What a whirlwind holiday season! I feel like I'm just now beginning to catch my breath. Already, my Wisdom has taught me how to lighten up. I must be willing to lay aside even more old belief systems that I did not realize were still there. For Christmas, Sarah gave Mark and I a Wii game! Then for my birthday (a week later), she gave me a Wii Fit Plus! It's a perfect gift because it helps motivate us to exercise a bit! However, as all three of us played with the Wii and learned all the little games I ran into a challenge. I didn't want to do any of the games in front of Mark or Sarah, so I just watched them play. Yesterday, I realized why.
While growing up, my siblings and I were taught to be very competitive. And when we did not 'win' or happened to 'goof up', we were ridiculed endlessly and told what losers we were. Comments like: 'You're not any good; you stink; you loser' were very common digs. As I tried out a new game on the Wii, I once again felt the sting of those comments come back to haunt me. I didn't want my loving husband or daughter to think I was a loser, so I just didn't want to play, or I would reluctantly play announcing how terrible I am at games, to cover that base before anyone could call me a loser.
During one of my announcements of how terrible I am at the game, Mark pointed out that I would be terrible if that's how I approached it. That's when the light bulb turned on and I realized my thoughts were based on past occurrences instead of present realities. Mark and Sarah would never ridicule me like that! They both love me. How could I think such a thing? Now for the decision: shall I go ahead and allow the past to dictate how I play with my family now, or shall I dismiss the past and firmly plant my heart in the knowledge that I never again have to believe I'm a loser?
I think I'll do the latter. It seems much more fun and light-hearted! And that's what this year is all about for me anyway. Fun; laughter and joy!
Has anyone else had to deal with these kinds of revelations? What did you decide?
I was very competitive as a child, and hated losing, so i often chose not to play. The cruel comments you received were awful for you, and my experience was different but I shut down just like you.
ReplyDeleteIt took me a long time to stop being so competitive and be okay with losing. But I still love a good game of Bananagrams against a skilled opponent!
Inspiring post!
Happy New Year, new you!
Sandy, thank you for sharing your experience with me. It occurs to me that games can be much more fun and enjoyable when the fear of losing has lost it's grip. Happy New Year to you! May it bring you much joy and prosperity.
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