Sunday, December 5, 2010

Inner-Child Twist

Have you ever done "Inner Child" work?  

I had heard of this kind of inner healing work, but because I felt I already forgave those in my life that hurt me, I dismissed the idea.  But the term, "Inner Child" began to creep into conversations, friends posts on Facebook, and even internet searches (although I was not searching for that particular term).  It popped up so much, seemingly out of nowhere, that I finally decided perhaps my guides and angels were trying to tell me something.

My loving husband Mark studied and received his Ph.D. in Metaphysical sciences from University of Metaphysical Sciences, and it just so happened, "Inner Child" work was one of the subjects he studied.  And to top it off, he had three meditations that he thought might just be what I was looking for.

Finally the day came when all my excuses to not look into this work came to an end.  All arrows pointed in that direction, so reluctantly, I decided to give it a try.  I chose an early afternoon when Mark went off to "play store".  The house was quiet and I knew it was now or never.  I picked the living room couch to do my meditation because I was afraid I would fall asleep if I got too comfortable and I really wanted to give this a chance since it seemed even my angels were conspiring to bring me to this point.  As I slipped on my ear buds, I still felt a bit reluctant.  After all, I had worked hard to get to where I was now and I honestly did not see the point in drudging up old stuff from my childhood.  I already released all the hurt and anger, so why go back?

The meditation began.  I was instructed to relax and allow my mind to drift back to a specific time in my childhood when I was hurt by an adult.  Images began to fly through my mind.  I saw myself in my 20's, then at the angry age of 16; moving back even more I was suddenly 10, but that was not the stopping place.  Finally my mind settled on a scene that I had not previously remembered.  I was 7 years old and sick.  But being sick was not only not allowed, it also made me an outcast from the family.  I don't remember what I had; a cold or the flu, most likely; I only remember that it was horrible because mom was angry at me and very put out that she had to take care of me.  Oh my God, suddenly the emotions I felt as that little girl overwhelmed me.  My little self cried because she felt terrible physically, but was also afraid and emotionally tormented because she knew she was the cause of her mommy being so angry.  Alone and terrified, my little girl learned that if she felt better, her mommy would not be so angry with her, so she found a way to hide how she felt.  Of course the little girl recovered, but the lesson she learned was that it was WRONG and BAD to be sick.   "Sick" meant she was a very bad person that no one accepted and it even made people angry, so she stuffed her hurt under layers and layers of self-depreciation and pain.

WOW. . . I could not believe it!  Seeing and feeling the pain of that little 7 year old girl explained why I was wrestling so much with my own challenge in my adult life!  I saw myself as unlovable and someone to be ashamed of.  The tears that trickled down my face turned into sobs as the realization the scene I had just witnessed in my mind hit home.  I had to stop the meditation and allow myself not only to sob for my little girl, but for the adult I am now, dealing with all the stuffed emotions and grief along with trying to face the fear of my physical challenge. 

After several minutes of soul wrenching sobs, I was able to regain my composure so I could continue my meditation.  The next instruction was to picture the adult that hurt me (in my case, my mom), sitting across from my inner child and to forgive her.  That was no problem because I had already done the forgiveness aspect, but what happened next, changed me and the way I saw my mother forever.  

In the meditation the next step was for my mother to take my little girl into her arms and hug her, but much to my amazement, she could not do it!  Instead, my mother instantly turned into her hurting inner child.  Suddenly my little girl felt the pain she was in.  Mom's inner child sat in front of me with tears rolling down her face.  Her wall of pride and security crumbled and for the first time in my entire life I saw my mother for who she really was.  Not the bitter, hateful, manipulative woman I had always seen her as, but the deeply hurt, insecure child who was never able to get past her own tremendously abusive childhood.  My little girl's heart broke as she reached over to take mom's little girl into her arms.  We held each other and cried together and I promised mom's little girl I would love her and protect her always.  

I am so glad my angels and guides kept dropping hints around for me to do the Inner Child work.  My mom has no idea, at least on the physical plain, of how both our worlds have changed, but I will never forget!  She gave me the best childhood she was able to give, and after seeing what she went through, I really can appreciate the love and support she was able to muster up.  What a wonderful Christmas present!  

Thank you, angels and guides for helping me do this work, but mostly, THANK YOU, MOM for giving me the best childhood you could possibly give me.  I DO love and appreciate you!