Tuesday, September 29, 2009

The Kick That Changed My Thought

Have you ever gotten to a wonderful new spiritual level where all is rosy and suddenly some idea, thought or belief appears and you realize maybe you're not as far along as you thought?

That is exactly what happened to me this week.

My mother is turning 80 years old in February. Many of you know my relationship with her has not been very good through the years. I actually hated her at one time. I had to reach that retched depth to finally understand and then find my way into the lap of unconditional love; love for her and myself. Now whenever I speak with her my heart is softer and instead of all the bitterness I once harbored, I am full of empathy and I understand her. I can now look at her through the eyes of unconditional love.

Anyway, her birthday is in February and I had a wonderful idea to give her an 80th birthday party. She has no friends, so it would just be her children and grandchildren in attendance, but I know it would mean the world to her. As I thought about the party arrangements I considered calling my sister (who lives about 8 miles from her) and include her in the plans. My initial thought was that this could be a healing time for all the siblings and grandchildren as well as my mother. Out of the four of us, Cindy has been hurt the most, so I thought if she helped with the party, it may help her to put aside some of her anger as well.

And then this ugly thought peered over the horizon!
"What if she does what she always did in the past. What if she takes over and pretends it was all her idea. She would be praised and everyone would think what a wonderful thing she did for our mom."

I have to say, the thought gave me a kick right in my stomach! But here's what I did.

I stepped back from the thought and examined it for what it was and where it came from. My "emotional guidance system", already told me I was headed down the wrong path because of this feeling of being kicked in the stomach, so I needed to find out how to get back on track. This time around it was pretty easy. I simply thought, "Who cares who gets the credit! The main thing is that mom has an 80th birthday party and healing in the family is able to take place. I do not need the attention of throwing it together, but possibly Cindy does. Perhaps that would lead to her healing. And after all, that is what the whole point for the party is."

I feel so much better. The angry little girl that thought she needed attention vanished into the wisp of a thought she was; replaced with the warmth of unconditional love once again.

I am so grateful for our guidance systems, and for our Wisdom that helps us choose a wiser road each day.

Have you ever had a negative thought "kick you in the stomach" and how did you choose to convert it into unconditional love?

Thursday, September 24, 2009

Burst With Light

Today, my whole being is filled with gratitude and thankfulness.

We have a roof over our heads; I have a wonderful, loving husband; we possess perfect health; and have need of nothing. We are truly abundant!

What has brought about this exuberance and excitement? I guess it's the fact that I am leaving the past behind. I'm leaving all the opinions of others behind and I'm embracing the concept of unconditional love. When my mind is consumed with love, there is no room for anything else.

I feel as though my life is just beginning! I look around and the colors in this beautiful world are brighter and the air is crisper. The sounds are more enjoyable and the fragrances more sweet.

Perhaps it's because I'm stepping into the next adventure life has to offer me. I feel as though I'm going to explode with joy and peace.

What are you happy about today? What makes you so excited you just may burst? I say, let's just do it! Burst! Burst with all the happiness and joy that is us!

Tuesday, September 22, 2009

Opening The Door

What stops us from doing what's in our hearts?

My reason for not branching out has everything to do with acceptance. "What will people think?" They may think I'm a kook or crazy. They may think I've finally slipped into the void of insanity. Or they may understand that I've finally come to a place of peace in my heart. A place of acceptance of who I really am. And that is exactly what has happened. I AM AT PEACE.

What others think of me is not important. Everyone has their own belief systems and their own list of "rights and wrongs". Everyone has their opinions and believe their path is the only right path. In many ways, that's what makes life interesting. If we were all the same, it would be pretty boring! The contrast of thought is what keeps things lively.

So, I'm branching out. Opening new doors in my life. Stepping out and spreading my wings. I will not allow fear to stand in my way.

Want to join me? What is keeping you from being the free spirit you really are?

Thursday, September 17, 2009


It's hard to believe, but it's already been a full year since Mark and I left Portland and moved to the San Francisco Bay area. I remember the grand expectations we had; all the plans we laid out and the people we were going to serve. We would help Mark's mom; my business would thrive in the Bay area; and saving money would be a breeze. Even though we felt like we stepped off a cliff, we knew without a doubt that the Universe was there to catch us and lead us along our way.

Mark's job as Assistant Manager at Office Depot turned out to be perfect. He got a raise and because of the California Laws regarding work hours, he only has to work a forty hour week. Also, because of the economic decline many Office Depot stores reduced the amount of Assistant Managers to one. If we had stayed in Oregon he may have lost his job. Here, Mark was chosen to stay on. Even though we still want to be able to get him free from "working for the man" one day, right now, he likes his job and has brought a struggling store to the top of the district. His job is only a mile and a half away, which saves on gas, and since it is sunny most of the time here, he can even walk to work!

My business abruptly came to a halt. As it turns out, however, I see the Wisdom in that end. Since I've been here, I've been forced to take a long look at who I really am. And you know what? Who I really am is not the lady that left Oregon with her business and ideas of how she was going to help all the people she came in contact with. Many old belief systems I thought I had released showed back up. And the age old self-loathing showed it's ugly head once again. Being here in the Bay area, besides Mark, I do not have any friends to run to and am forced to look to the only true source of love and support; my Higher Self.

I've learned to appreciate life in a more intimate way than ever before. I've learned I really can choose a different thought, and as I make that more joyful thought my dominate thought, I can once again look toward the heavens with confidence and bask in the knowing that I am loved.

I am still in the process of learning what it means to unconditionally love. Now I more deeply understand that what it is. It is truly allowing a person (or myself) to be who they are; no strings attached. In doing so, all the power of the Universe is at my fingertips; for the only true power is the power of love.

My dear friends in Oregon and Washington will always be in my heart no matter where I am. I cherish time spent with them all, but this has been a quest I had to take alone. A quest to seek out and experience who I really am. Only alone could I see myself as I am and release judgment and unforgiveness. And that is why I am grateful now for the wisdom to leave Oregon and all the comfort it represents to me, and move to this place of total aloneness, where I have found my true comfort and peace amid all the chaos around.

What "quest" have you been on that has brought you to your Higher Self?

Sunday, September 13, 2009

Thank you for your Support

Oh my goodness! I got soooo many comments on my last post! Thank you all so much! I really appreciate everyone who reads these posts whether they comment or not. I received great encouragement, and a great suggestion on what to do. I am soooo grateful!

Based on some of the suggestions, I may be changing things around just a bit. You'll have to wait and see what I decide to do. In the meantime, thank you all once again for your love and support!

Friday, September 11, 2009


Do you know how it feels to open your life completely up; put it up for public scrutiny and have absolutely NO ONE respond one way or the other?

I do! Each time I post a new blog; each time I write a thought on Facebook; suddenly you can hear crickets! Is it because no one has another thought? Is it because everyone is afraid of what people will think if they respond? Or is it simply because you don't read the information to begin with?

I've been struggling with this absence of communication for some time now and it's been an eye opening experience for me. You see, I'm looking to stir things up a bit! Get people thinking on their own. Perhaps even examine their lives to see if there is anything they could be looking to expand. I ask for comments to try and nudge people out of their comfort zones and become a participant in life.

I've noticed the people who get responses on Facebook are the ones who share surface stuff. And they get surface responses. I know there are deep thinkers out there. There are those with totally different opinions and thoughts, so why are we so afraid to voice what we think?

For me, in a very subtle way, I'm looking for approval from those around me and those I deem more spiritual then I. Perhaps the reason for the lack of response has to do with the same thing. People are afraid of what I will think or what their friends may think of them. We want to be liked. We want kudos instead of critisism, for that is what we base our feelings of acceptance on.

I am tired of being controlled by the responses (or in my case non-responses) of others. I welcome others thoughts and opinions. Without the contrast of thought, how can we really know what we ourselves believe?

Please understand, I love you all! I don't care if you agree with me or not! I don't care what religion you are, or what belief system you hold close to your heart. I don't care what political party you are connected with or even if you have purple hair. You are accepted totally by me.

What's stopping you from commenting?

Wednesday, September 9, 2009

Convert And Become As Little Children

". . . 'Verily I say unto you, Except ye be converted, and become as little children, ye shall not enter into the kingdom of heaven.'" (Matthew 18:3, KJV).

Over the Labor Day weekend, Mark and I had the opportunity to go to Medford, OR to visit family and favorite places. It was a wonderful time filled with adventure around every turn. When we go any place, now-a-days, we like to "fly by the seat of our pants". This makes the adventure even more delicious to us because we try and step out of our own way and allow events to unfold naturally. To this end, we travel with our sleeping bag in the car so we can just pull over and sleep whenever we want.

We left at 11pm Friday night and drove to Redding where we finally pulled into a truck stop to rest for a few hours. In the morning, we took off for Oregon and arrived in Medford just in time to have lunch our our favorite Chinese restaurant. It was divine sitting there
enjoying the food in warm, familiar surroundings, anticipating our visit with the grandkids.

In Southern Oregon, we are the proud grandparents of three. Levi, 11 years old, and the twins, Grace and Kara, 8 years old. We are known as the "fun grandparents", because we are not around all the time, so when we are, we take full advantage and let out all the stops in having a good time with the kids. This visit was no exception. The girls and I decided to make a fairy house in the woods behind their house and Levi and "Papa Mark" played "Rock Band" with Mark's three daughters. Dave, our son-in-law cooked a fabulous dinner of fish and pork tacos, and allowed me to assist him in his beautiful big kitchen. It truly was a great visit. We were exhausted, but happy we were able to spend the day having so much fun. The next day, we planned on driving to our favorite place along the Yuba river before heading back to the Bay area, but as we drove down the hill from the house, and reminisced about the day, we decided we needed more time with the grandkids. So we called back up to the house and arranged to pick them up and take them to town the next day.

I am soooo glad we had that extra bit of time! We took the kids to Barnes and Noble, had ice cream at Dairy Queen and ended up at our favorite store, Fred Meyers where we explored just about every aisle twirling in the shopping carts and hiding from each other, playing with the toys and deciding on what other little goodies needed to find their way home with the kids. They settled on whoppy cushions and noise makers, and a few little things for the fairy house. We played games in the car, and impressed the kids with our "magic tricks", picked up a pizza and finally went back home, once again exhausted but happy to have had another day with our precious grandkids.

I noticed something very cool about our time with them that brought the scripture above to my mind. What does it mean to be converted and become as little children? As I watched our grandkids, I noticed how they were so innocent and thrilled with every little thing that happened. They were able to move from one thing to the next without having to go through the pain of "letting go". Each experience they were having was like the best experience they have ever had. They lived each moment in the moment and did not have a care about the future or the past. When we were showing off our "magic tricks", they were so enthralled with what was happening and their minds were completely open to what powerful creators they were. We did not have to convince them of their abilities, or help them move beyond past traumas; we simply introduced an idea and they totally knew they could accomplish it. There was no doubt! No self-confidence issues, or self-esteem garbage; just innocent acceptance and a remembrance of what their natural state of being truly is.

The kingdom of heaven truly is within each child, because they have not allowed others to dictate what they should think or feel yet. Each moment in a child's life is magical, and they understand how to create happiness in their own lives. What is the kingdom of heaven if not that wonderful place of divine happiness and joy?

I am ready to convert and be as a child again. I'm ready to remember the joyful, magical being I truly am. I'm ready to shake the dust of other's opinions of how I should live my life off my shoulders and rise once again to the realm of complete happiness. Who wants to join me? Are you ready to convert and become as a child?

Wednesday, September 2, 2009

The Light That Is Me

Why is it so hard to stay positive sometimes? I've been thinking a lot about this lately. Some days it's easy to focus on the beauty all around me and other days it really takes effort. Why is that?

I think I've come up with the answer. At least in my experience.

Besides the usual programming dilemma, it's a matter of once again focusing on other people's acceptance of me.

Let's face it. When we step into the presence of a positive person, we either love them or really dislike them. Usually there is no middle ground. They either grate on our last nerve, or inspire us to greater heights. So who wants to be disliked? Who wants to be talked about behind their back? It's much easier to stay in our doldrums than to seek a better feeling thought. And (an extra bonus) it gets us more attention. Positive people don't need attention from anyone because they are happy and secure in themselves. They seem to have an internal light that shines no matter what circumstances they find themselves in.

I've been laughed at; teased; talked about in a condescending matter and just plain shunned because of my joy, but I've come to this conclusion; I DON'T CARE!

You see, I want to grab every bit of life I can while I'm in this world. I want to explore every avenue; see all the beauty and experience all the magic this life has to offer. There is no time for "doldrums". If someone wishes to laugh at me and tease me because I'm filled with joy, then I guess in a way I'm bringing a certain amount of happiness into their lives. If they shun me; so be it!

I choose to set my sights on the heavens! I choose to allow the light that is me to shine bright. Perhaps it will light the way for someone who is struggling.

Will you allow what others think of you to deter your positivity? Or will you join me in being the light that YOU ARE!