Thursday, September 17, 2009
It's hard to believe, but it's already been a full year since Mark and I left Portland and moved to the San Francisco Bay area. I remember the grand expectations we had; all the plans we laid out and the people we were going to serve. We would help Mark's mom; my business would thrive in the Bay area; and saving money would be a breeze. Even though we felt like we stepped off a cliff, we knew without a doubt that the Universe was there to catch us and lead us along our way.
Mark's job as Assistant Manager at Office Depot turned out to be perfect. He got a raise and because of the California Laws regarding work hours, he only has to work a forty hour week. Also, because of the economic decline many Office Depot stores reduced the amount of Assistant Managers to one. If we had stayed in Oregon he may have lost his job. Here, Mark was chosen to stay on. Even though we still want to be able to get him free from "working for the man" one day, right now, he likes his job and has brought a struggling store to the top of the district. His job is only a mile and a half away, which saves on gas, and since it is sunny most of the time here, he can even walk to work!
My business abruptly came to a halt. As it turns out, however, I see the Wisdom in that end. Since I've been here, I've been forced to take a long look at who I really am. And you know what? Who I really am is not the lady that left Oregon with her business and ideas of how she was going to help all the people she came in contact with. Many old belief systems I thought I had released showed back up. And the age old self-loathing showed it's ugly head once again. Being here in the Bay area, besides Mark, I do not have any friends to run to and am forced to look to the only true source of love and support; my Higher Self.
I've learned to appreciate life in a more intimate way than ever before. I've learned I really can choose a different thought, and as I make that more joyful thought my dominate thought, I can once again look toward the heavens with confidence and bask in the knowing that I am loved.
I am still in the process of learning what it means to unconditionally love. Now I more deeply understand that what it is. It is truly allowing a person (or myself) to be who they are; no strings attached. In doing so, all the power of the Universe is at my fingertips; for the only true power is the power of love.
My dear friends in Oregon and Washington will always be in my heart no matter where I am. I cherish time spent with them all, but this has been a quest I had to take alone. A quest to seek out and experience who I really am. Only alone could I see myself as I am and release judgment and unforgiveness. And that is why I am grateful now for the wisdom to leave Oregon and all the comfort it represents to me, and move to this place of total aloneness, where I have found my true comfort and peace amid all the chaos around.
What "quest" have you been on that has brought you to your Higher Self?