Tuesday, September 29, 2009
The Kick That Changed My Thought
Have you ever gotten to a wonderful new spiritual level where all is rosy and suddenly some idea, thought or belief appears and you realize maybe you're not as far along as you thought?
That is exactly what happened to me this week.
My mother is turning 80 years old in February. Many of you know my relationship with her has not been very good through the years. I actually hated her at one time. I had to reach that retched depth to finally understand and then find my way into the lap of unconditional love; love for her and myself. Now whenever I speak with her my heart is softer and instead of all the bitterness I once harbored, I am full of empathy and I understand her. I can now look at her through the eyes of unconditional love.
Anyway, her birthday is in February and I had a wonderful idea to give her an 80th birthday party. She has no friends, so it would just be her children and grandchildren in attendance, but I know it would mean the world to her. As I thought about the party arrangements I considered calling my sister (who lives about 8 miles from her) and include her in the plans. My initial thought was that this could be a healing time for all the siblings and grandchildren as well as my mother. Out of the four of us, Cindy has been hurt the most, so I thought if she helped with the party, it may help her to put aside some of her anger as well.
And then this ugly thought peered over the horizon!
"What if she does what she always did in the past. What if she takes over and pretends it was all her idea. She would be praised and everyone would think what a wonderful thing she did for our mom."
I have to say, the thought gave me a kick right in my stomach! But here's what I did.
I stepped back from the thought and examined it for what it was and where it came from. My "emotional guidance system", already told me I was headed down the wrong path because of this feeling of being kicked in the stomach, so I needed to find out how to get back on track. This time around it was pretty easy. I simply thought, "Who cares who gets the credit! The main thing is that mom has an 80th birthday party and healing in the family is able to take place. I do not need the attention of throwing it together, but possibly Cindy does. Perhaps that would lead to her healing. And after all, that is what the whole point for the party is."
I feel so much better. The angry little girl that thought she needed attention vanished into the wisp of a thought she was; replaced with the warmth of unconditional love once again.
I am so grateful for our guidance systems, and for our Wisdom that helps us choose a wiser road each day.
Have you ever had a negative thought "kick you in the stomach" and how did you choose to convert it into unconditional love?