Saturday, November 28, 2009

Escape From Reality

Oh my's been a long time since I've written! Much has happened in this interim; of which will take me a few days to explain, but here's the start.

I have thought long and hard about what I'm about to write, and have argued all the pros and cons and decided to go ahead. I've always tried to be honest with my blog and share those things that I'm going through, or am learning and this is going to be more of the same.
For me, "coming out of the closet" like this, is one of the most difficult things I've ever done, but I believe much good can come out of allowing my vulnerability to be visible. So here goes. . .

I am experiencing a challenge called 'breast cancer'. I have had this for about three years, but until just this past summer, I've dealt with it on a very spiritual level. I don't believe "God allowed this to happen" to me or that I am a "victim" of cancer; I know I brought it upon myself! I came to that awareness three years ago, when it first appeared, so that is what drove me to seek what I could do to reverse the damage I had done to myself physically and spiritually.

In Louise Hay's book, "Heal Your Body", Louise points out that cancer is caused by, "deep hurt. Longstanding resentment. Deep secret or grief eating away at the self. Carrying hatreds." And interestingly, breast tumors have to do with, "a refusal to nourish the self. Putting everyone else first. Over mothering. Overprotection. Overbearing attitudes!" (Ouch, that one stings!)

For many years, I struggled with longstanding resentment and carried hatred in my heart. I could not find a way to get past the deep hurt in my soul and forgive those I perceived as having hurt me. Last New Years Day, I asked that this year be the year I learned how to unconditionally love. And since that time, it's been a fast-track roller-coaster ride of emotion. I did, however, learn to forgive and love those who hurt me; choosing instead to see them through the eyes of spirit and acknowledge they are living their life, just as I am living my life. With that understood, I once and for all, let go of the resentment that held me in it's tight grasp all these years. That was the beginning of healing. I had to forgive myself for holding all that ugliness inside me for so long as well. That proved to be really tough, especially since my body showed me the results of that hatred I had harbored every single day in the form of a tumor.

When I got on the other side of all that resentment, I felt as if my spirit had been set free again but the tumor began to grow. I was puzzled and upset because I thought I had done all the work I needed to do to release the very thing that caused it in the first place, but it still grew. That's when the fear kicked in.

I've never, in my whole life been in the hospital as a patient! I was born at home and had my children at home. When I was a little girl, I even had my tonsils taken out in the doctors office! I believe almost all our dis-eases and sicknesses are emotion based and I believe we have the power within to heal our bodies. Mark and I discussed it in great depth and I decided I did not want to go the medical route of a mastectomy, chemotherapy and radiation. I believed I could heal my body naturally, so that is exactly what we set out to do.

I didn't want to tell anyone about it because of my own fears of what people might say and think. I wanted it to be a secret just between my husband and I. The tumor continued to grow.
I made the choice to continue to change all negative thoughts to powerful new positive thoughts and put my attention on complete healing in all areas of my life. But as the tumor grew and began to get painful, I became more and more fearful. Fear of dying; fear of pain; just plain terror! And the more fear I felt, the more painful the tumor became. I didn't know what to do or which way to turn. I asked my guides and angels to help me figure out what to do next and they answered me very quickly!

Mark found a website that had a DVD about how to heal yourself from cancer. We watched it and it gave me hope. In fact, it turned my "believing" my body could heal itself into "knowing" my body would heal itself! It was based on drastically changing my diet and lifestyle! Mark and I decided to try it together.

We stopped eating all refined foods; animal products; and vegetable oils. My shopping trips were more like day excursions because I spent hours reading the labels on products to make sure I adhered strictly to the diet plan. We also started doing Reiki on the tumors on a regular basis and stopped taking many of the supplements we were taking because we learned that some of them actually could contribute to cancer growth. I've been on this diet plan for a little over 1 month now and have lost weight (I learned weight is a big contributor to cancer), and the tumor has even begun to shrink.

I still go through days when it is very painful, but usually it's because I'm upset about something. So when it's painful, I ask myself what I'm all worked up about and is it worth the pain to continue to be upset. That makes it much easier for me to simply release it. Also, I think it gets painful when it's shrinking, but that's a good thing.

So now I'm "out of the closet" and am once again living my life transparent before you all! And I will continue to let you know how it's going. I decided since one of the causes of tumors is holding in secrets that this was the best way to face my fears of what people may think or say and release them. Reality says, "my god this is cancer! You better seek medical help or die". But I choose to escape from the deceptive reality of the world and keep my eyes focused on the true reality of who I am.

Please feel free to ask me questions. I'm feeling better than I've felt in a long time and now really am free because I no longer fear death. I know I am an eternal being and this is just one stop of many along the road of my existence. What is there to fear? I will continue to share with you all my journey so that when the tumors are completely gone, we can all celebrate together.


  1. Pat,

    This is wonderful. You are doing exactly what you need to be doing. I'm very glad you decided to tell us because we are light workers here ready to help and aid in the healing of your heart and the manifestations of your past experiences and judgments.

    This is exactly the healing that I have been going through in the last year where I have severly judged myself and in some cases others for what I perceived as their "wrong doings" or whatever you want to call it.

    I would like to extend an offer to send a prayer request to the LightSong prayer group to add additional help to your journey. We have seen many, many answers to prayer through this powerful venue. Couple this with you efforts that you are doing with yourself regarding your diet and your mental state and you are a "shoe-in" to beat this!

    I love you very much and I'm proud of what you are doing to change the limiting belief systems that we all grew up with in society! As I am managing my HIV drug free, I believe you can do the same thing without having to subject your body, mind and spirit to toxic matters!

    Please let me know if I can post this request for you. Love you much!


  2. Dearest Loving Pat...

    Oh my goodness... I am so touched reading your blog. I had NO idea ALL that you were going through with this and am honestly relieved that you're giving yourself and us the gift of sharing... Thank YOU Pat! You're totally on the way to FULL recovery.. I back you up 1,000000% and KNOW the POWER in YOU, in US to HEAL ANYthing. You are So Powerful and So Inspiring. I LoVE Love LOVE YOU!!! ~Madison

  3. Dear Pat,
    I missed you. You are so courageous to share your heart wrenching story of breast cancer. I acknowledge the heart and soul you brought to this post, and I wish you well in healing yourself. You seem to have a strong will and an even stronger connection to your heart and to your spirit, which is essential in self-healing. I pray that you continue to have healing and that you can get rid of this nasty tumor. I have the breast cancer gene and live in a semi state of fear at times in my life. I have faith that I am on this planet for a reason, and I know that you serve mankind with all your heart and soul. We love you!

  4. Oh Pat -- What a strong strong woman you are! And how wonderful for you to have such a loving and supportive husband. I have such faith in what you are doing. It sounds like you are truly on the path to healing. Mind - Body - Soul! You can do it.

    I too am trying to eat healthier by choosing organic and non-refined foods. I have read that eating meat and animal products contribute to cancer and I have thought about trying to go completely vegan. What is the website you found? It's something I've been thinking about a lot these last few months.

    You are so amazing and inspiring. Wow!! I wish you the best in everything! You're in my thoughts and prayers. Lots of love & light!!


  5. Wow! I support you whole-heartedly! I agree with what you're doing & would want to take the same approach if i were in your shoes. Never let go of hope & know that you are loved!


  6. Dearest Pat,

    Sending you a big hug! I see you as a shining star of perfect health!

    Love and Angel Blessings,

  7. Dear Pat,

    You are wonderful and a true hero. I send you blessings and prayers, know always that you are loved.

    In Perfect Health,

  8. Blessings to you and Mark! Perfect Health is yours!

    Love Susan

  9. I am thinking of you and sending healing thoughts your way. Katrina