What a whirlwind holiday season! I feel like I'm just now beginning to catch my breath. Already, my Wisdom has taught me how to lighten up. I must be willing to lay aside even more old belief systems that I did not realize were still there.
For Christmas, Sarah gave Mark and I a Wii game! Then for my birthday (a week later), she gave me a Wii Fit Plus! It's a perfect gift because it helps motivate us to exercise a bit! However, as all three of us played with the Wii and learned all the little games I ran into a challenge. I didn't want to do any of the games in front of Mark or Sarah, so I just watched them play. Yesterday, I realized why.
While growing up, my siblings and I were taught to be very competitive. And when we did not 'win' or happened to 'goof up', we were ridiculed endlessly and told what losers we were. Comments like: 'You're not any good; you stink; you loser' were very common digs. As I tried out a new game on the Wii, I once again felt the sting of those comments come back to haunt me. I didn't want my loving husband or daughter to think I was a loser, so I just didn't want to play, or I would reluctantly play announcing how terrible I am at games, to cover that base before anyone could call me a loser.
During one of my announcements of how terrible I am at the game, Mark pointed out that I would be terrible if that's how I approached it. That's when the light bulb turned on and I realized my thoughts were based on past occurrences instead of present realities. Mark and Sarah would never ridicule me like that! They both love me. How could I think such a thing? Now for the decision: shall I go ahead and allow the past to dictate how I play with my family now, or shall I dismiss the past and firmly plant my heart in the knowledge that I never again have to believe I'm a loser?
I think I'll do the latter. It seems much more fun and light-hearted! And that's what this year is all about for me anyway. Fun; laughter and joy!
Has anyone else had to deal with these kinds of revelations? What did you decide?