Tuesday, June 30, 2009
I didn't believe it could happen in my lifetime, but it has! The biggest miracle of my life has come to pass. I'm so happy and elated; my soul is dancing and singing and soooo very joyful; my physical body just wants to cry! Cry for joy; cry because there are no human words to describe the freedom that has come to me. So what has caused such jubilation in my life?
My Mother! That's right! My Mother!
You see for years I've actually hated my mom. I know that's not a politically correct thing to say, but it's the truth. I hated her for my childhood; for the things I perceived she fell short on in raising my three siblings and I; for the way she treated my sister and dad; and of course how she treated me.
Everyone around me knows of my intense hatred for my mom, because I am very verbal to let them know.
About a month ago, I came to realize I am not going to receive all that my heart desires in this lifetime because there is a block. I've spent years and years trying to "see" what the block is and remove it from my life, to no avail. So I asked Wisdom to help me, not only see the blocks but release them. Not so much so I could get my "stuff", but because I saw that it was doing a number on my body, and I could never get to the elusive peace I so craved in my life. I listened to an Abraham-Hicks teaching, that mentioned something about "cleaning up your vibration" (attitudes, emotions.) So I asked Wisdom to help me clean up my vibration in every area of my life.
That very same day, I went shopping and the traffic was terrible. People shot out from every direction and frustrated the hell out of me. I got angry and as I usually do, I yelled at the other motorists that they needed to "learn how to drive". Suddenly, Wisdom said, "Oh, you mean clean up this vibration?"
That was the start of things. Each day, more and more "clean ups" were in order until today, as I drove along, Wisdom mentioned that I should call my mom. As I thought about her, an amazing thing happened. I didn't feel the hurt, or hatred any longer. Those feelings were replaced by compassion, pity and the ability to see beyond her physical being into the God that she truly is. I saw her in this physical body, so broken and bitter, but her spirit yearned to know love and acceptance just as I had! I turned into a park, walked to a nice shady area and called her.
The first words out of her mouth revealed to me how very broken she was. Not her spirit, but the hard shell she put around herself to be protected from hurt and pain. She told me she needed to apologize to me. Wow! My mother has never apologized for anything in this lifetime; ever, but the "cleaned up" part of me interrupted her in mid sentence and told her it was all okay! I told her she did not need to apologize to me for anything. In my spirit, I saw the astonishment that she felt as she asked, "why not"? At this point tears began to stream down my face. I told her, she had done nothing to apologize for. All the hatred I had once felt, was completely gone! All the anger, all the pain! In it's place was a love that cannot be described; only felt.
When our conversation was over, she thanked me. And as we hung up, I told her I loved her, and really meant it from the depths of my being.
I thank you, Mom, for the contrast, for being the grand creator you are to allow me to learn and grow and be at the place in Spirit I now find myself.
Thank you Mom.
I am grateful for the patience of Wisdom, to bring me to this point. A huge weight has been lifted off my shoulders, because I chose to lift it off. Why did I keep it there for so long?