Friday, July 10, 2009

Trip To San Francisco

San Francisco was not as cold as we thought it would be. In fact it was down right nice! I would even go so far as to say, beautiful. Even though Sarah and Billy could not go to Alcatraz today, as planned, we all still had a marvelous time walking all around the bay. Sarah got to have her clam chowder bread bowl and shopped until she almost literally dropped!

I have been so excited about Sarah coming to visit for such a long time that now that she is here, I realize not only how much I've missed her, but, how much I have not let her go! I still want to have my little girl. I know she's all grown up. Hell, she's even been in Kuwait serving in the Army, but somehow, I still have it in my head that our relationship is the same as it was before she left. It's difficult for me to realize that just as I have gone on with my life and a lot has changed for me; she has gone on with her life as well and much as changed for her too.

Our relationship will never be the same again. That is not to say that it is bad! It's wonderful. It's just different.

For the first few days that Sarah has been home, (including today), I've tried to re-gain what we had in the past and been very disappointed and upset. But as we were getting ready to go to San Francisco this morning, I found myself tied up in knots! I was unreasonably short with Mark, and felt I had to force a smile. As the day progressed, I saw what was happening. My little Sarah was an adult now and was on her own path, which just put me in a different role than I've been in before.

I'm grateful for my loving husband putting up with my sharp and unreasonable attitude and loving me anyway, and I'm grateful for Wisdom helping me see what the problem is. Now all I have to do is release it and allow it to be transformed into something magnificent. In other words, practice what I preach! Even in this, I must choose a better feeling thought! I must choose to allow her to live her life. I must choose joy in each and every situation. So let the choosing begin!

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